The Last Thoughts and Memories of Ethan Nakamura
by Roo4life
Summary: Ethan had some thoughts while he fell through the sky to his death. Or did he die before he hit the ground? He can't really remember. But there are some things that he does.


The Last Thoughts and Memories of Ethan Nakamura

Dear mom,

I'm dying.

No, I don't want any help or anything and I'm not really expecting any response but I just wanted to tell you now that I get it.

I get what you meant and I see now.

My eye was never payment. It only ensured that I would never forget the deal I made. The deal that I paid for with my life.

I'm falling now and I know I'm dying but it feels nice. I wonder if this is what balance is.

It's a mixture of good and bad. It's finding five bucks on the way home from school and needing it to help with rent. It's getting hit by a car and getting to stay with dad while he's on his day off. It's life and it's death. It's fighting for a good cause under the wrong way and dying for a good cause with the right way.

At the end of my life there when Jackson was talking to me, I remembered how my friend at my old school liked to wear yin and yang accessories. One black one white swirling in a circle eternally.

I don't know the story, they told me once but it was so long ago, but I know they stood for balance.

Mom.

I'm dying.

I don't have anything to offer but can I ask for a favor? Or just something to keep in mind? I don't wanna ask for too much and you don't have to do it if you don't want to.

Could you help my siblings understand balance?

Could you help them understand life and death? Despair and hope? Free will?

Cause at the end, with Jackson again, when I looked at him. I heard Truth. I heard hope. Genuine hope. Not like what Kronos would say. His words sent chills down my spine like hollow insect carcasses. Jackson's words were like sparklers on the fourth of July and at that moment I knew.

In that battle, Kronos needed to be taken down a little again.

Jackson had lost so many friends. Kronos had lost pawns.

Jackson's gods were divided. Kronos gained the advantage.

Jackson was facing a titan alone, one who could stop time. Kronos was facing a demigod.

In order to maintain the balance here, at least logically, I knew what I had to do. So I did.

I wouldn't be surprised if your children change sides often. I wouldn't be surprised if your children tip the scales as well.

I feel like we're oddly capable of it.

Mom.

It's ok if I die.

I'm dying for you.

For my siblings.

I can't wait to see my dad again.

I blinked awake in a room cramped and filled with countless gray souls. Some were tinged different colors. Some cried, some walked around, some sipped water from the water cooler.

The water looked gray too.

"Silena Beauregard, Ethan Nakamura, and Luke Castellan." I looked up, my gaze snapping to a figure standing from a desk at the end of the room. I stood up and went forward. My steps were silent and I blinked before touching under my eye. I didn't have my eyepatch anymore.

I stood at the desk before I was joined by a girl, a beautiful soul that glistened pink before shining like an opal. She wiped her face as she nodded at me.

"You must be Ethan." I nodded mutely. Silena. Our spy. I felt dread fill my stomach. We were probably going be sent to the Fields of Punishment. I steeled myself. I had asked for this with my actions. I needed to face my consequences. Accepting my fate was something that came to me easily, as did not getting my hopes up.

Yet my heart fluttered as the other name registered. Luke Castellan? If he's dead then either Kronos won or Percy defeated him. I didn't want to ask as I felt Luke's presence join us at my other side.

"Hello, demigods. My name is Charon and I'll be your guide for the evening. Now if you'll follow me into the elevator we will begin our descent into the Underworld while I go over some rules."

We followed Charon into the elevator and stood silently, not looking or saying anything. After a heavy pause, Charon returned to talking.

"Ugh, fine. I'll go first. Welcome to the Underworld. Hades has given my orders to streamline you guys as well as anybody else on the list so just follow me. First, there is a ferry. Keep all hands, feet, limbs, appendages, whatever, inside at all times. Blah, blah, blah. Now talk either here or in the ferry because elsewhere I don't think the atmosphere will be good." I swallowed and felt the question bubble up again. I couldn't bring myself to look at Luke, though.

"Guys," I paused at the sound I heard rarely come from the body I knew as Kronos' vessel. I could count the number of times I'd heard it on one hand and have fingers to spare. "I'm sorry."

I blinked. Did he just apologize? To us? I looked at the soul in bewilderment. A tired young man stared at the elevator floor. His blonde hair was a mess and I knew that there would be a scar on the other side of his face. He emitted a soft blue aura. Baby blue.

I opened my mouth to speak but the other soul beat me to it.

"Luke," she paused. Then cut herself off. None of us had the right words. How long was this elevator ride?

"It's nice to hear your voice like this," I said without thinking. "But it's not like we didn't know what was going to happen." I knew this was true for Silena as well as me. I looked at Luke again and met his eyes. They shone a brighter blue than his soul.

"What happened?" I asked feeling a little hope seep into my voice. I saw Silena look at Luke for answers as well.

Luke smiled fondly. He looked nostalgic. Why I can't imagine. But he did. A soft expression that felt so human even though we were all dead.

"Ethan, you can trust Percy. I trust Percy. Kronos, though, has definitely fallen tonight." The mood in the elevator lifted with a soft ding that announced our arrival. As we stepped out, Charon was right.

The atmosphere in the elevator was much preferable to that of the Underworld.

I don't remember much more.

I remember Luke getting dropped off first. He was going to try for rebirth immediately. He had paperwork to file but Charon ensured him that within a year at most, he would be reincarnated.

We joked about him being a son of Hermes again. Silena laughed as did Luke. It was beautiful.

We went to the Elysium and at the gates, a Charles Beckendorf was rang and within moments, Silena's pink soul was being embraced by a soul that rolled like a slow but ever going flame. It reminded me of sunsets out of our apartment window with my dad asleep on the couch.

She cried. She told him everything. I watched as Charles' soul flickered and I know both me and Silena were waiting for rejection. Then Charles asked how she died and she retold the tale I had seen unfold as I monitored the drakon and its rampage.

Charles cried and held her even closer. I watched them go off.

Charon led me into a field. We passed by many gray souls before he stopped at one sitting on the ground.

It was my father and we embraced but his memory soon faded and he was just another soul. It was more than I could have hoped for.

Charon led me back to Elysium before talking to a lady at the desk. He then left and I went to follow but the lady told me that I was to come with her.

I waited to be led to the Fields of Punishment but instead found myself being given keys to a small house with a fountain of scales in front of it.

"Welcome to Elysium Ethan Nakamura. There are two more of your siblings inside. You'll be sharing this house with them unless you want your own, then I would understand. If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to give us a call." She then left and I entered the house to find myself welcomed by two young recruits of Kronos' army. I had tried to protect them the best I could but they still ended up dead.

We talked. We read together. We slept in the same room as it was hard sleeping alone after so long of being terrified to do so for years. We would go out for pizza. I wondered if this is what our siblings alive were doing.

We all had a soft purple and red glow to our souls.

"Nico, how did you remember me?" I asked the young man who sat in front of me now, recording our conversation.

"It wasn't so much I as Percy," he said. "Jackson," he clarified. I nodded though my question was still partly unanswered. He rolled his eyes.

"A Nemesis kid came up to him one day and asked him if there were any famous Nemesis campers." I winced. I was more like infamous.

"He told them about this strong, brave, and 'tortured' camper, his word, not mine, that he fought against once and that 'tipped the scales' of the Battle of Manhattan." I felt my chest tighten. Wow.

"Yeah, wow. Anyways, I asked and I'm doing a project on fallen campers with the assistance of my boyfriend. I told you, we're making a memoir of their lives. It's a little late and most of them have chosen to be reborn and those we write down what others remember about them but I like to get their stories. The dead have their own story that needs to be told." I nodded as I listened to Nico. He had asked me a week ago if I'd be willing to talk with him about what happened. And I did.

"So, why don't you want to be reborn?" He asked and I laughed remembering a reason that I somewhat agreed with my brothers with.

"Well, for us, it would take at least 6 tries to get to the Isle of the Blessed with our heritage." It was a joke that since our mother was Balance it would probably go: heroes death, painful death, normal death, heroes painful death, betrayal, and then martyr hero death. Or even normal, hero, normal, hero, normal hero.

"You should give it a shot anyways," Nico said as he got up from his chair. I nodded and got up after him. We shook hands and I went home.

"Bro, you're scheduled to be reborn November 22nd!" I'm glad Nico thought so too.


End file.
